It's been a bit since I wrote anything anywhere last. It's tough without Hannah. She was my inspiration.
It's been a difficult few months. David had to take a HUGE pay cut in October to keep his job. God's been good and we've managed, but it hasn't been without some pretty scary moments. We're thankful he has a job!
I took a job working with disabled adults helping them secure employment. I love the job but it started out really slow financially. It has tremendous potential but it was slow starting. January is looking to be a take off kind of month and I'm thrilled about that. The job just keeps getting more and more interesting and fun for me and I'm so thankful for it. In November I started doing assessments which I loved doing and then in January we are actually going to start doing workshops which means I'll get to teach(which I love). I'm just thankful that I got this opportunity.
In November I started helping out at the CWJC(Christian Women's Job Corp) and I hope to continue to get to do that. It is an organization that helps needy women learn job and life skills. The women are amazing and I loved teaching or helping them learn Excel. It just does the heart good to get outside of yourself and help other people and these women were so fun to be around. Again, I'm thankful for the opportunity.
On January 18th I will start school again. I wasn't going to do it and then I decided there is never going to be a good time. Unfortunately the 18th is one day after Hannah's 1 year anniversary but we're just going to go with it and see what happens. There's no rule saying I can't quit if I can't handle it. Well, there is, but it's my rule, and those can be changed. I am pursuing psychology because I want to eventually help parents who have kids with disabilities. I want to direct them to resources, etc. That's my dream anyway. How or where I'll be able to do that we'll just have to see what doors God opens for me. I know he will.
This is a Christmas of firsts for me. For the first time in 19 years I have not entered a ToysRus or toy department of a store looking for Christmas gifts for my children. That may not sound like a big deal but it really is. Kids grow up and you transition from not buying toys. I just had to stop cold turkey. It's painful. I am working hard at being joyful and thankful and celebrative of the reason for the season. Still, I have not decorated my tree or shopped for a single gift. I have 3 days left. I keep thinking I'm gonna get it done and then I don't. I know it'll all come together and be fine. It's just tough. I'm reminded that my last amazing few weeks with Hannah were theses few weeks and it makes me miss her more than you'll ever imagine. I so wish she were here...but she's not. So, I'll focus as much as I can on the reason for the season and imagine the Birthday Party for Jesus that my Hannah gets to attend this year.
I took a few days for myself away from everything. I found a little cabin in the woods. I had no cell or internet service. It was just me, my Bible/books, a few movies, and God. I have to tell you that it was much needed. I worry so much about my emotions or reactions concerning missing Hannah and how they make my guys feel. It was just very necessary for me to be alone with those emotions and be able to express them without worrying about anyone else. It was just me. I left there feeling like I had gotten some things accomplished emotionally and planned to make it a regular occurrence. It would be the perfect spot to spend a week or two and get some real writing done. It was perfect. I'll post some pictures. I was thankful to God that I found the place and that it was so perfect.
I also wrote KLTY Christmas Wish thanking them and telling them the story of our last year Christmas. They used it to help with this years promo. I was so glad to help in some way. Last week I went in studio to film the story. It's not being used yet and probably won't be until next year but it feels so good to be able to do something in return for all that was done for us.
Despite all the pain I've lived with this year, I have to acknowledge that God has been so good to me. I've been given just what I need to get through each and every day. God's grace and mercy have been evident to me every single day. I'm thankful. I could not imagine going through this without faith in God. I know that not a day will go by that I don't miss my beautiful girl but I'm so glad that I have the hope that we will see each other again. That one day I'll meet her in that wonderful place and she'll introduce me to Jesus and show me around. I've never been so homesick before. Until my time though I hope that I can live a life that will honor both my God and my Hannah.
I sincerely thank all of you for your continued prayers and support. We wouldn't make it without you. Thank you!
Dear God, It's me....Marcey. Thank you for your constant care and provision. We couldn't do this without you. Give my girl a hug and kiss and tell her Merry Christmas for me please! Oh, and if you could, would you sing, "Santa Claus is coming to town"? Be sure to make the boo hoo sounds and pouty face too! I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you had Sponge Bob on your cake this year too. Thank you Lord for being born and dying. Because you came and gave your life I can see my girl again. Thank You! All my love, Marcey
